Screening time..

Midhun goes on vacation.

(At home)

Mom stuffs his lunch with Kerala Fish fry and his most loved ‘Omplates’ (The Kerala version of omelets).

Brother is busy getting the latest Mallu songs to the laptop.

Everyone is gay and is in a mood to celebrate.

Dad comes up with a surprise for Midhun - “Why don’t we all go out in the evening?”

M: “Always ready dad”

D: “I have booked tickets for an English movie”

Midhun doesn’t respond. A deadly and sinister silence prevails. A motionless Midhun sits like the coma/comma he gets into while in class. No…This time it looks as if it’s a full-stop. A concerned dad comes near. There is breathing, but the eye balls aren’t moving. It’s focused as if a suppressed element of vengeance is yet to erupt.

D: (Though with the heart almost in the mouth, dad touches the drooping shoulders and then softly) “Moneeee (son)…..

M: (Bursts out and wails like the first standard kid on the first day at school) “No more SCREENINGS dad. Please dad, let me enjoy the holidays. Don’t torture me.”

D: “OK, OK, calm down. No movies”

The family decides to consult a psychiatrist seeing this unusual change in behavior from an avid movie buff.

Doc: (Hypnotizing) Relax…You are sleeping, sleeping… relax..

Midhun falls into a half slumber.

Doc: “where are you now?”

M: “Am half-asleep in the class!!!”

Doc: “What can you see there??”

M: “1,2,3,4,5,6..17.29 seconds….1,2,3...7 seconds,….1.2...5 seconds….tilt, track and zoooooom, paaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnn,!!!(It gets louder)”

Doc: “OK, ok... relax..”

But Midhun continues: “camera high up, close uppppppppp… back to eye level….Medium shot, Long shot, Medium…”

Doctor (remembers something and shouts out suddenly): Cutttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!

And Lo!!! Midhun is quiet.

Silence again. Only the breathing is heard amidst the ghostly disquiet.

Doctor (droopy head) to dad : “Am sorry, your ‘Ankur’ is ‘Gone with the wind”

A surprised and concerned dad: “What!!! my son is gone!?”

Doc Explains: “Twenty years ago we had a Bengali from the FTII, Pune, with similar symptoms. Doctors diagnosed and named the disorder as Screenomania. I’m sorry to tell you that your son will never be able to enjoy a movie as a first time viewer. He will start counting the moment a cinema starts and will stop only when you say CUT with vehemence”

Afterward: Now the disease is renamed as Puneiosis, pertaining to the high incidence of the same in Pune and neighboring areas.