Friday, April 7, 2017

Bar Bar Dekho. Hazaar Bar Dekho. #KOTHAKABDAY30

Prateek is just a name. Kotha is but an emotion. 

Kotha has grown ...arey baba...I meant, professionally and personally. Btw, we met the other day and I'd to lend a friend's hand to complete the hug. So he has indeed grown the way you thought he should. There is no better indicator to show his social progress than the FB profile that has doubled or perhaps tripled in size from 2010. Making a Mark? Sorry…no pun intended; m in small letters.

Myntra is the current mantra, a word that had been 'alive' in his mind even while toying with marketing at Hamleys. I'm told that the social media team at Myntra has given him an achievable target of converting his FB page to a fan page by 2018. Who knows, Kotha might just parley a deal with Zuckerberg to raise FB's own bar by a notch to perhaps 6000 friends in total?! Kotha's bar is so raised that the bar now looks up to him, which is another story to discuss at Ghar bar.

It's not that SIMC 2010 can't raise the bar, just see Priyanka Purkayastha. She joined FB along with us in 2009/10 and then took it so seriously that she rejoined FB in 2011 as an Analyst. Come on. The only thing I do daily is scroll up and scroll down, and you earn a salary for my efforts? Not done. Btw, Priyanka, if you need Mark's number, just ring up Kotha. 

Kotha has an eye on yet another target, but which I think is difficult to achieve or surpass. Any guesses? Yeah 2275 flights till April 6th. Difficult because he hasn't kept the boarding passes of the completed trips. Also because, changing a job in Q1, Q2, Q3 and Q4 is slightly impossible. But, Kotha, SIMC believes in you. Go, beat or at least square the record over the next 20 years. Stock up the e-boarding passes starting today. Age is just a number. Ask UKC sir, the forever youngster. 

At 75 and counting, sneaker maximum is a new record at Myntra. Not sure if he partly owns the return processing center of Vector e-commerce Pvt Ltd! But all rounder for sure :D 

On a serious note, an offline indicator of his affection is my daughter who is now 3 and remembers the 'Kotha Uncle' who gifted her a watermelon t-shirt more than a year back. How much more influential can you be? We will be cheering you on. Keep Walking. Again no pun intended.

In the age of coupons, it was indeed a pleasure to key in KOTHAKABDAY30 code only on Ola Prime, commemorating crossing 29, another prime! Happy Birthday to you! :)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

India worses SouthAfrica

India-Pak Bhai Bhai
In a special function organised by Kamran Akmal and family, Ashish Nehra was awarded gloves for taking the burden off the Pakistani keeper. Currently, Kamran’s used gloves are being sold in the market as new.

Oxford Honours Team India
In a major event, Indian team was felicitated by Oxford University press for reviving forgotten idioms like - Go down like ninepins, history repeats itself etc.
Sources say that they will soon be adding Maaki, MaatharC and BehanC, as official terms in the new English dictionary slated for release soon after the World Cup.

Team India Signs Advertisement Deal
Dhoni and team, barring Tendulkar was chosen for the new Fevicol ad. In the story board, the team gets fixed on the spot, as soon as they enter the ground.

Pepsi awarded Nehra and team India for being the real ‘Game changers’. Considering the return to form, Tendulkar couldn't win Pepsi's trust this time too. Last time winner, Sreesanth gave away the awards to Nehra and team.

ICC Rule Amended
In a major turn of events, ICC, under tremendous pressure from BCCI, buckled to the demand sponsors, who will now be choosing a bowler from the crowd to bowl the last 5 overs. This was initiated after Dhoni was seen walking around the stadium searching for a bowler to complete the 50 overs.

Special Classes
Sachin Tendulkar was requested to teach bowling, while Harbhajan and Virat will take special classes in swearing. The module titled ‘Learn swearing in 50 overs’ comes at a special World Cup discounted rate.
*Offer open till Harbhajan lasts.

Application Invited
ICC has called for Mathematics professors with 10 years of experience and an inclination towards cricket. Ideal candidates will required an experience of teaching Permutations and Combinations at least to gully-level cricketers. The need arises in understanding, who all should win and lose where all for India to play Pakistan in the semi-finals!

Hansie Cronje remembered
In a momentary outburst of emotion, Azhar was heard remembering the finesse with which his friend, philosopher & guide Hansie Cronje fixed matches. Yesterday’s match clearly evidences the dearth in leaders and erosion in match-losing talent in the South African team, lamented the tainted Indian captain.

Pan seller Yadav was nominated for Nobel Prize in Chemistry. His research pertains to understanding the chemistry between players and teams in this edition of the World Cup. The research also details about why games played between World no 1 and World no 33, stretches to its full quota of 50 + 50 overs, setting up a humdinger.

BCCI promises an India vs Pakistan Final
In a statement issued to the press, BCCI has requested irate fans to calm down, with a promise that India will reach the finals and play Pakistan in Wankhede. Question on who will win was left unanswered, citing sponsor gag. Unofficial reports say that Pepsi and Hero will pool in a more money to help India reach the finals.

Nehra demands more
After his scintillating performance against SA, Nehra has reportedly demanded more money to injure himself, quoted credible sources from Pakistan. (Oxymoron)

Contest Results
Last week's 'Guess the Zero' contest results -
As Ashish Nehra and Kamran Akmal got equal jokes... err .. votes, the sponsor has backed off. So, better luck next time.

New contest
Guess who will win the world cup contest.
Conditions: Only gullible Indian citizens and Tendulkar allowed to participate. Family members of other players, bookies and match-fixers not allowed. If found to participate, they will not be allowed to fix the next India-Pakistan series.

Parting Note:

Indi Commandos rechristened to ‘Kochi Tuskers Kerala’

Though the team will be playing as if they never had tusks or rather, don’t know the use of it, Sreesanth is expected to display his valour by fighting (with his) tooth and nail.

On being asked, why Kochi and Kerala are there in the name, a certain Gujarathi investor said that while investing, he was unaware of the fact that Kochi is the capital of Kerala. 'Hail Taroor' will be the new tagline, he added. Mallya's absence from the list of sponsors for team Kochi was expected, considering the volumes already sold in Kerala. On being asked, he denied the cited reason, and spoke at length about his plans to brand toddy !

'Kochi Tuskers Kerala' logo is still being done by the same DTP agency in Fort Kochi. A major chunk of the marketing spends are earmarked for Harbhajan and Virat Kohli. They will have a special ‘Word of mouth’ campaign unleashed, with support from the local 'Toddy Climbers Association', who incidentally clinched the main sponsors title for Kochi Tuskers.

Sreesanth, on his break answered questions on break-dance and other marketing tactics. He confessed to be inspired by nature, learning to dance by imitating the monkeys enroute Wayanad and look aggressive by closely watching the hungry street dogs, in the empty Kaloor stadium.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

No-Vocation ! Convocation...

Some humor in life can be left alone, while some need to be noted.

Taking an excerpt from one of the last official mails from college.

It reads -

2) At University Campus :-
Immediately after reaching University Campus at Lavale, Please proceed towards the SIMC Academic Block - Room No. SO3. Collect your gowns and lunch coupons from SIMC staff member.
# All the candidates can collect the packed lunch from the Food Stalls against the coupons issued while collecting the gowns.

First query from a few students - What about lunch for our parents?

No blame on the question as our esteemed college has taught us to enquire about the silliest of questions. Because who knows - The security might ask you to prove at the gate that the man and woman with you are your parents !

My answer is - Nowhere is it mentioned that lunch is complementary. Coupon might mean an advance bill like in some brahmin hotels in the south. So keep the cash and the change, lest you might get a rotten smile as balance.

Kindly also note the point that those who have coupons get a gown as well. Means more reason for parents to take care - Be hungry or else get some biscuits or bread along. Don't expect any butter as we ourselves have fought for the 'Right to Butter' for long.

Another excerpt from the same mail

All Gold medal awardees are to assemble near SIU office for the official photograph with Chief Guest by 11.00 amAfter convocation, Collect your certificates after depositing the gowns at the respective classroom no SO3.
Without depositing the gown and cap, certificates will not issued. (Note the grammar please)

The Gold medal winners are sure to have a question - " Do we have to deposit the gold medal as well for getting our certificates?"

Hope not is the answer. A last moment circular might be on the notice board which reads, 'Without depositing the Gold medals, degree certificates will not issued.

Trying to remember a similar experience or read?

Yeah...Right ! Exactly like those last moment mails which ask - 'Mail the names of your parents within 48 hours' (Reads like the last minute surrender notice to militants before bombing the entire house)

Student: Why sir?

Because it's important to mention on the transcript and degree certificate.

Student:But why was it not told earlier?

We wanted the updated details. So thought of collecting it late.

Oh Jesus ! (A cry followed by a loud sound) Thud ! (Chief guest swoons and falls on the floor)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Convocation Mails...

Once an SIMC'ian, forever an SIMC'ian


I've sent my convocation form with copies of degree via India Post on Friday afternoon.
The consignment number is SP EM160253248IN. It should have reached the office by Monday max.
Please, request you to check and confirm.

Thanks & Regards

Comment: Should I call IndiaPost or the postman?

A few that kept me happy as well.

Rejil..i cant believe it its been 6 months since SIMC ..n u still are so dedicated..nothin has changed since seriously i dont think ne other president wud give a fuck after coll got over..good going!

Thanks a ton for the update.
SIMC 2010 President , you have sensibly carried out every responsibility.
God bless u.

Abc: wht else is up
u no smthng
me: tell me
Abc: id like to congratulate u for being such a gret prez even after graduating
10:46 PM me: :)
Abc: its amazing tht u dnt get tired of keeping every1 up to date about all the coll stuff
haats off really !
me: thanks a lot

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Enzymes for Mass Destruction!

Ever since MS Word introduced ‘Synonyms’, many have used it productively, while many have used the same to destroy simple English.

For example, let us see how one of my friends would write the above sentence.

Eternally since MS Word pioneered ‘Synonyms’, countless have manipulated it prolifically, while a myriad number have exploited the equivalent to assassinate unsophisticated English.

(Take a deep breath and start reading again)

Some who never ever read anything beyond the alphabets, showered praise to extremes of finding a Shakespeare reincarnate in the above author. Some others were seen pondering & some lost in oblivion. Many others, who were forced to comment, went in search of Dictionaries/Wiki’s/Thesauruses, all in an effort to translate hieroglyphics to English.

The earliest efforts bore no fruit, as Google crashed when someone pasted just two sentences into the poor window. Then the translator was used, where Google commented as here – ‘Language not yet added. Please wait till we research this new language and script’.

The after effects don’t end here. One English lecturer got fits after reading the first two paragraphs. Luckily my car keys helped. Fate of the other guinea pigs is unknown. Recent medical report says that mental patients who are incurable with the negative stimulus of shock are given a capsule of some special enzyme, without an ‘E’. Ironically, ‘E’ is the most commonly used letter in the English language read and understood by the masses. Doctors say that reading two sentences is all that is enough for showing progress. They are trying the same breakthrough technique on people who suffer from Autism, cerebral palsy etc. If not a Nobel in literature, there is a great probability of a Nobel in Medicine waiting for this author.

The town is rife with rumours that US plans of hire the services of this writer to produce potent arms out of ink and paper. The plan also speaks about distributing this to non-English speaking countries where people die of asphyxiation after reading. In English speaking countries, the strategy is to kill by shock. This supposedly is touted as the weapon that can destroy the world in World War III. The title is Enymes of Mass Destruction (EMD), a variant of the biological warfare. Let's wait and watch!

Some have reportedly cried after reading the material. Doctors are yet to figure the glands from which tears came. Once discovered, this can be injected into the weaker sub-sect, thus making people stronger in taking shock.

On the flip side, many a regular reader/accidentally exposed reader is showing symptoms of fear, unexpected shiver, sweating when prone to words like enzyme, blogspot etc. The immediate message from IMA is to take precautions till an antidote is manufactured. And specifically not to read anything which has words like ocular, colloquy, chiropractor etc...(I’m not going further as a slight frisson has engulfed me)....err... Can you see signs of the disease in the last sentence?! What I meant is – ‘a slight shiver has soaked me’

Looking back, one of the comments reads so – “My English is not that strong. I take a dictionary & sit to understand what you have written but still I don't understand it fully.”

This is a classic example where dictionary failed miserably.

Our take – You are lucky to survive. Don’t tread further. Don’t make a mistake of reading it again!

In the pursuit where many a dictionary failed, another of my friend stumbled upon the source(s) of this spring. or

Statutory Warning: If readers are found to use this tool to emulate/imitate the protagonist, you are liable to be prosecuted.

Now let’s get more serious. Yet another comment says - "You have an amazing quality of staying with a reader".

We agree - Ghosts of bad experiences always follow!

Btw the author only accepts good comments. Caustic remarks are aborted. I’m bitten by the shiver again... What I meant is, negative remarks are deleted.

Waiting for more and more...What ? More and more patients to get better with the shock treatment.

On a parting note, do you know what an Enzyme means?

en·zyme [en-zahym] - Any of several complex proteins that are produced by cells and act as catalysts in specific biochemical reactions

On a positive note - Anyone who blames the blog name will be punished. This blog is proven to be complex and is certainly bringing about biochemical reactions in the reader!

Overheard: Eat well, Read well, and Write well. Else, nee thin aayi pokum (You will grow thin)

Monday, October 4, 2010

Cherry Berry Options !

Once upon a time in SIMC, there lived some 67 students in PR.

Then there came an assignment asking students to come out with PR strategies to sell Blackberry smartphones in India.

One extremely muscle loving female student's answer: (Love for muscles is a hint)

Strategy No 1: Give 2 kg black berries free with blackberries mobile. (Check how the brand name is changed to suit the plural of the same fruit, if at all it existed)

Strategy No 2:Give small merchandises like keychains with black berries hanging. T-shirts in black colour with berries written on it. So people will read black berries (Check the advertising/copywriting/Visual skills of this prodigy)

Strategy No 3: Write articles in all farming/farmer/agriculture related magazines about black berries mobile ...(Evaluator swoons..)

But she also had given a caption: We are not white cherries. We are not black cherries. We are the black berries !

Now the alumni works for a real estate firm as SENIOR MANAGER. (Direct posting. Might be they caught a glimpse of her assignment on black berries mobile strategy)

The name of the organisation is BLANCO HOUSING & INDUSTRIES. She was told to prepare a strategy document on selling more flats in the region.

Strategy No 1: (in the same lines as our old black berrieees) Sell one blank-O flat free with every purchase.

Strategy No 2: Give blank cheques with every flat purchased. The company name will be mentioned on top. (This is to increase the recall value)

Strtegy No 3: Articles/case studies of how Blank-o flats are build even if raw materials are unavailable. (Remember that reinforcement rods are not used only to cut costs- Case study it seems !)

Caption Options: No loan. No bank. Come to BLANK-O.

We offer it at flat rates. Blank-O houses.
Director reads the strategy and like his company's name, gives a blank 'O' look. Calls the recruitment team. Freezes all recruitment and suspends the interviewing team !

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Life after SIMC - Alumni Saga - Part I

Story snippet No 1

Placed in Nashik, the poor soul who had no idea about Hindi, (forget Marathi) got into the bus.

Conductor: Tumhala kuthe jayeche aahe?

Alumni: Kya ? What ? enthu?

Conductor speaks in Hindi: Kidhar jaane ka

Alumni: ABB circle

Conductor: Jahan pe woh do ladke utrenge, udhar utar jaane ka.

Alumni nodded his head left to right & right to left

After a while, a few passengers had to get down from the crowded bus. To make way, the two gentlemen got down.

Our alumni found the 'do ladke' getting down and shoved, pushed everyone else and got down.

As soon as the alumni got down, the 'do ladke' got back into the bus.

'Ting ting' and whistle. The bus left and alumni looked around to get a glimpse of ABB or at least a half circle of ABB circle.

Story Snippet No 2

An AV student gets placed in the production house.

First client – Horlicks

Mood: Very happy. Fist high up in the air. Messaging friends.

Eppaang, Opaang, Jappang is the ad being made.

Some 10 chubby, obese, eppang oppang jappang chimpanzee kids came in to shoot.

Director: In bacchoon ka khyal rakhna

Our Alumni: Sure sir.

Little did he know the story ahead.

Kid 1: Uncle... chocolate...

Kid 2: Uncle .. Biscuit..

Kid 3: Uncle... Milk... (Lucky that the kid was above two years old. Else the almuni would be forced to prepare breast milk all by himself landing into more trouble...forget it !)

Our guy did a real good job throughout the day. Feeding the kids with whatever they wanted to. And then it became a routine.

Throughout all the shoots, with the MMC degree in hand, he had been doing a good job of serving squash, making lemon juice, sandwiches et al. Now he is promoted to serve it alone and not to prepare it.

So, suddenly pops up a message on his facebook from a batchmate. (Case study for another MBA guy slogging in a digital marketing agency on Too much Social media interference)

It read: 'Heard that you got promoted. Kudos man. Treat chahiyey'

(The batchmate hasn't forgotten the college habits of asking for the treat)

& our suffering promoted alumni went in flashback to his own dialouges.

"Tum pass ho gaye? Pehli baar? treat treat..!"....

"Tum fail ho gaye? woh bhi pehli baar ! treat..treat at silverspoons... !"