Tuesday, September 29, 2009

TNG Hat-trick !

One of the outstanding achievements at SIMC happened this week. Don't ask who earned the accolades! It is so rumored that he will also be given the Young Achievers Award in Pune footprints 2009. This boy challenged the university to try making him write the exams and not vice versa. The university finally failed. Let’s read how.

A set of three students EARNED a TNG (Not a Bournville) by getting their third semester cancelled due to their exceptionally appreciable performances in the disciplinary side of their previous internships.

The student in picture comes to me: “Please help me somehow and let me off the TNG knot!”

Rejil tries his best and after a week of discussions gets him off the TNG hook. Let free to breathe free, he takes his first deep breath and opens his eyes to find a paper on the notice board that reads

Students below a CGPA of 2.0 and hence is a TNG in the third semester is listed below.

The person EARNS it again. He comes running to me and says - “Please help me somehow and let me off the TNG knot!”

Rejil tries his best and after another week of discussions gets him off the TNG hook. Left free to breathe free, he takes his first deep breath and finds a paper on the notice board that reads.

Final attendance list – Semester III

Due to swine flu and other related good times, few of the lucky ones are left off the noose with a 70% attendance. The elated souls dance with joy of not getting a TNG.

Our man looks at the list and looks at me. Even without uttering a word, I could read his mind, which was constantly chanting.

“Please help me somehow and let me off the TNG knot!”

And I look at him and the notice board – “66.5%? Impossible”

“Me or the attendance?” – He quips

You EARNED it the third time in the third semester alone, making it a record of sorts’ man.

As symbi folklores would say, this is the story of a boy who slept on the most used railway tracks only to find the train going on a generally ignored track. But alas, finally one day, he switched on the ceiling fan only to find it rotting on his head leaving him unconscious on the ground.

All the best buddy! You can’t be saved of a TNG, but surely from the exam blues!

The Walking Questionnaire

A simple short story from SIMC

The great DB collects HTML assignments from PR

One great lady, THE WALKING QUESTIONNAIRE, calls him & ASKS as her habit is- "DB, Can I mail you the assignment ?"

DB -"Yes, you can"

The Walking Questionnaire - "DB, can you please tell me if you got it? If not, can I IP you the HTML assignment ?"

DB -"Better if you can IP me"

As amused as DB can get, he finds the HTML code copied and pasted in the IP window

(DB goes bonkers and advices her to IP a New folder)

Even before the blink of an eye, there comes on IP a folder titled - "NEW FOLDER", which to DB's surprise is empty.

DB becomes the sitting questionnaire and asks -"What is this for? What purpose does this empty folder solve?"

The Walking Questionnaire - It's you who told me to IP a NEW FOLDER. Now why are you asking me so?

DB accepts defeat and says - "Madam, please zip your files and IP it"

3-4 minutes pass and DB becomes anxious with a no response

Suddenly one IP window POP'S up with a zipped folder

A more than happy DB jumps in joy to have been successful in communicating the message properly. Before he lands on the ground, another zipped file comes and yet another and another. It stops at 5 zipped files and DB opens one after the other to find each picture of the HTML as a single zipped file.

DB stops asking anymore questions and unzips each of it, compiles all of it in the generously donated NEW FOLDER and submits to Dharam sir.

(20/20 DB for this effort and the walking questionnaire still continues her walk with truck loads of pregnant questions to give birth to)

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Conserving energy ! ! !

X: What's new at SIMC

Y: SIMC ? What is that ?

X: Arrreyyy... Symbiosis Institute of Media and Communication.

Y: Seems you aren’t updated. It's rechristened boss !

X: Ohh! I never knew. But as what?

Y: Now it's known in the industry as SIEM.

X: SIEM?!

Y: The SYMBIOSIS INSTITUTE OF EVENTFUL(L) MANAGEMENT, keeping in mind the number of events conducted every week.

X: Every week?

Y: Yes, at least twice in a month, we see the local newspapers carry snippets of some event.

X: Like?

Y: Module meet, Council meet, Media meet, Sponsorship meet, Sports meet, Creative meet, Mess meet, Footprints meet, Assignment meet, .ppt meet and so on and so forth.

X: Do they get a good crowd?

Y: Why not? Even the guy called Rahul roams around with an attendance sheet.

X: The mess chap?

Y: Yes !

X: (Mouth agape) But why?

Y: Areeey... Even dinner after the event is compulsory. Else TNG, off campus, off placement, suspension!

X: How caring yaar! I envy you. I too should have been in SIMC. Btw what is this off campus rule like?

Y: It's a super rule, where the student is told to be off the residential campus for some indiscipline, while his parents are kept in the dark. No one from the committee even enquires whether the student has a local guardian, where he/she is from? How safe she will be off campus? No one even thinks about what the consequences are if she goes all alone to the city to stay? Is it in some hotel she is put up for the week mentioned? What security does she get outside the protective wings of the campus administrator? The rule remains as blank or as bald as the DISCO dancers head, while the parents are oblivious of the whereabouts of their ward ! They believe that their kid is safe in a residential campus like in other better residential campuses !

X:DISCO dancer?

Y:Areeeey.. the DISciplinary COmmittee head ! From next week onwards, I have heard that there will be attendance even at the coffee shop, stationery shop, canteen, saloon etc.

X: (Mouth and eyes wide open now) But why?

Y: Symbiosis follows the principle of Vasudhaiva Kudumbakam, an umbrella under which all currencies... errrr... students come together.

X: The global bank? (Mouth, nose, eyes wide open)

Y: Not exactly, something similar though with the currencies, but in translation it’s a Global village!

X: Oops ! But getting back to what we were discussing…attendance in the shops!?

Y: Listen, the word ‘Symbiosis’ itself means co-existence between diverse organisms in which each may benefit from the other. Exclude the students and their parents here and it is perfect.

X: So, the shopkeeper benefits from the student and the student from the shopkeeper. Am I getting a gist of the business model?

Y: Yes, yes. It's simply great. You are a fast learner. Hear this too! We get our "Masters" in Business Administration from the "Masters" of business administration.

X: Lucky souls! You pay to SNAP every tie you had in life and be on the hilltop cut off from culture and civilisation. By the way what was the event for the week?

Y: Today was "Environment Sustainability & Energy conservation". We had it in full bright light, artificially lit with just 74 bulbs in the auditorium itself.

X: Just 74??? ! ! ! It’s a good number for an auditorium you have.

Y: Yes, 32 in one chandelier of bulbs and 32 in another added to 10 side wall lights!

X: And they spoke of saving energy?

Y: As you too know, the world just blabbers in forums and not a single speaker voiced his concern on the energy being wasted right in front of him/her.

X: When irony and hypocrisy rules the world, who cares for a small seminar in some remote corner of the world ? Hope they learn that 'Charity begins at home'

(A security appears from nowhere)

Security to X: You are in Pink shirt. As per the college rules, only girls are allowed to use pink color. Give me your identity card. Strict actions will be taken against you.

X: Hello, am not a student of this campus.

Security to X: Then, you must wear only light and dark green combination dress, in sync with the pollution free campus rule.

PHEWWWWW....

Y interferes: Please bhaiyya, pardon just for now. We are leaving the campus premises now.

Y to X: Btw we also are having a new rule coming up regarding the uniforms! You must not wear briefs when you are in the academic premises.

X: But ! But ! Y !

Y: Someone told the university rules committee that SIMC faculty gives briefs in every class. To avoid such properties from being taken home, the security is strictly told to check everyone before he leaves the campus and before entering the premises, along with the ID card. To avoid any confusions between his own brief and the colleges brief, students are strictly told not to wear briefs!!!

X: My gwaaaaaaaad ! ! ! (& the guest slips into a BRIEF coma.)

Wishing all the best to Symbiosis. Khuda Haafiz!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

MathU DEVI in a DISCO

Once later the mythological stories in the school syllabus of our great grand-children's children will read as follows

The Finding of MathU Devi in a casket

Colonel Maharaj was ploughing a piece of land for conducting a sport. He ploughed and ploughed for months and then one day, he found water. That’s how they say that the swimming pool at Lavale was formed. Undaunted with the failure he ploughed again. The pickaxe hit a pot, a real jack-pot. Wrapped in golden threads he found a specimen in MathU Devi snuggling inside a golden casket called SIBM. With the arrival of the baby, Maharaja's good luck appeared to soar up. The MathU girl wore a moustache and never left her casket, but tried bullying the neighbouring kid called SIMC. As days passed, MathU Devi was embellished with the crown of irony, as the disciplinary committee head who had to be taught discipline. Later, rechristened famously in the annals of history as DISCO, taking the DIS in disciplinary and CO from committee, he survived. And then unexpectedly one day, in the dark of night, a powerful slap landed on his drunken face. Unable to gulp the juices of humiliation & ignominy, the earth split wide open and MathU girl was forced to go back to the core of mother earth.

P.S: By the way, King Colonel is still ploughing something in front of my window in the name of a new sports ground. Hope he finds a better disciplinary committee head with something inside his head unlike the barren top outside. Pity the fact that even a strand of hair hates to stay on top.