NUTCASE, NOT ANYMORE

NOTICE

Faisal Siddiqui of ‘C’ batch is requested to collect his long lost nut (shown in the photograph) from room no 452 before 9 pm tomorrow. Please be prompt, since there are a lot of people in the queue. (No further claims entertained)

PRE-STORY: The nut was supposedly lost the day he joined SIMC, Lavale. Everyone, even from SITM & SIBM had been hunting, finally yielding results when Midhun, another from the nutcracker gang found it under his table. He initially was confused whether it’s his or his room mate’s, which got sorted out once the threads were checked for compatibility.

BY ORDER

Imagination soars

CREATIVE WRITING CONTEST CONCLUDES

The second creative writing contest titled ‘CLASS TEST-II, conducted by the Symbiosis Institute of Media and Communication (SIMC) came to an end at 11:30 am today. The inauguration of the ritual was late as the prepared speech wasn’t delivered on time by the spot boys. Grapevine club members had by then cooked up stories even without the basic elements of fire and smoke that exams are postponed.
It’s heard that the 2010 batch may rewrite all the records in creativity, held by the senior batch till date.

POLITICIANS IN DOCUMENTARIES (Qn 107)

Politicians are planning to join the acting bandwagon after understanding the scope of performance they have in documentaries.

SUJOKE TO PUBLISH BOOK (QN 111)

Speculations are rife that Mr. Sujoke, another big joke, will publish a book on the new insights to track changes in PR and media’.
“I expect nothing less than a Nobel”- he was reportedly quoted by anonymous sources. Such an achievement would definitely boost the morale of SIMC 2010, said the PR manager, Anan-ta. It’s heard that the DD has decided to incorporate more such contests for the Batch 2011.

OLYMPIC EVENT MANAGERS TO VISIT FUNGIOSIS (QN 109 a & b)

Chinese Olympics authorities, after reading the ideas send a high profile team to interact with the Roll Nos. 1 to 240. China is stunned by the intellectual capital India possesses just in one college.
The NEW face of urban terrorism stood shattered and in shame seeing the LATEST insights given by communication students. We are planning to integrate all these ideas and converge it under one umbrella – said Uno Journo Kumar, present Mujahideen Head.

GULZAR STOPS FILM MAKING (Qn. 110)

A copy from the contest paper, CLASSTEST-II, was leaked to Gulzar. Luckily for the family, he escaped a cardiac arrest. Doctors stated his condition to be stable.
‘The consumer insights received from SIMC 2010 has prompted Gulzar to stop making any more movies and spent the rest of his years confined in the indoors’- A distraught wife Rakhi lamented.
‘If students can’t differentiate music from verbal language, what purpose does it serve me being in the industry anymore???” – An inconsolable Gulzar asked over phone from his hospital bed. ‘Ghalib wasn’t a mistake, but the screening was” – he added.

CONSUMER BELIEF’S OBLITERATED ( Qn 108)

The set of consumer beliefs built over the years tumbled down in an hour of research by SIMC 2010. This case study will be sent to Kellogg’s, Wharton, and all the Indian Institute of Ponytail Managements (IIPM’s). The research part of the same is handed over to Mr. HURRY HURRY, who would finish it off in a hurry. Mr. Kotler, Grandfather of needs, wants and desires (Dr Ramshas), retired in peace after reading the breaking news. “I was searching for this kind of a talent” – he finished the speech, joyful tears streaming down the cheeks.

TWO RAMBLERS SUSPENDED

The ramblers named, ankida and bunkida were suspended for wasting valuable papyrus and ink drops.

The abundance in talent spread over four different disciplines is under the scanner after receiving so much of media attention.

Film review

HURRY HURRY KO GUSSA KYON AATA HEIN

HURRY HURRY AFTER A SELF ATTESTED JOKE ( Left)

HURRY HURRY IN A SKOOOZEME ( Excuse me) !! POSE ( Right)

TRYING HARD TO EVOKE LAUGHTER: ‘Internship hein tho rehabilitation hein’

Genre: Tragi-comedy / Low budget thriller.

Director: Rejil Krishnan, SIMC 2010.

Cast: Hurry Hurry saaar, Class SIMC 2010, Class SIMC 2009 (GUEST APPEARANCE)

Storyline: The angry young man returns to haunt a class of minnows, who he thinks will take over his research business.

Bottomline: Go hurry hurry and drop your ticket money (aka fees) in the Coimbatore temple instead. A trying to be educative, yet boring 90 minute movie.

Plot: You can spot a comedy that tries hard from its first frame. Then in split seconds, as if inspired by Anniyan (Please google), Hurry hurry turns a Rajnikant. Angry and violent without his BP tablets, he shouts… ‘MIND IT, tum log mujko pressure kyon badatha ho!!!’ Starting here throught out the 90 minutes, are two brutal rape scenes of English & Hindi.

The dialogue reverberates amidst the murmur. Right from that moment, you know what to expect.

The dance performance is repetitive, but appreciable when you count the rigid framework of Hurry hurry. You say ‘podey’, and the frame turns into a brilliant broke-dance.

In between comes SIMC 2009 (guest role) in the ‘Showssial Intern-ship’, a fond memory of some brochures who were killed some time ago.

‘Hurry hurry ko gussa kyon hota hein’, captures the angst of the future De-Rajni. In between are introduced girls of SIMC 2010 who whine, for him not being considered for Filmsearch awards.

Hardly cohesive : Despite a few such ideas, the film is hardly cohesive. You can see sleeping people, reading people and popcorn people come and go.

Till the interval point, the disjointed narratives (over half a dozen of SIMC 2009) keep inter-cutting each other with no rhyme or reason, making way for each one to dance to some hip-hop loops with HURRY HURRY. Yet you see a street-smart HURRY HURRY stare tragically into nothingness just to keep the mood of the montage intact. That’s when the drama ruins the enter-tainment for all the couples around.

Here, HURRY HURRY has noble intentions, but finds himself in troubled waters not knowing what’s important and what’s not. He wishes to tell a story about six different individuals (Thanks SIMC2009) with differing attitudes, but in a similar situation.

Audience Rating: Rotten eggs and decayed tomatoes, though the actor is a down to earth, nice at heart character

Possible awards: Worst dance performance 2008 & Best Classroom Stunts 2008.

Future MRM result: The film released with 240 prints in 2008 and 135 in 2007. Though there are disinterested viewers, the show is forced & is free entry. So there are chances for the movie to run in packed houses for more than a year.

Suggestions: Though said to be in ENGLISH and HINDI, viewers are suggested to see it with subtitles, for a better understanding of the languages spoken.

Quizzzzed!!!

One fine morning. It’s business as usual at Lavale. A commotion in one corner of the campus. It’s a quiz fest happening.

SIMC, considered as minnows of the game, too decide to try their luck.

The teams line up for the Whiz Quiz .

Team A: SIMC
Team B: SIBM
Team C: SITM

The quiz master [Q]: Are you game?

SIMC nods a little too hard, since Midhun’s head shakes even with the breeze. SIBM n SITM looks down upon SIMC, particularly at Midhun and his madcap looks.

Six rounds. One question per round. Direct answer : 10 marks. Passed: 5 marks. It’s do or die. Team C gets the onus of the first question.

First round: Marketing

(The first question goes to team C.)

Q: The term synonymous with needs, wants and desires?

SITM: (shakes and rakes the brains, but finally a meek reply): Pass

(Question to Team B)

SIBM : (Acting confident and smart) Kotler…Philip Kotler!!!

Q: Sorry. The question passes to Team A

Midhun looks like the Mumbai shareholder who lost crores in the Bombay stock exchange. He looks mouth agape at Mr. DB, the counterpart who looks like his mirror reflection. Calm, quiet and composed, oblivious of the happenings out there.

Suddenly Midhun loses his composure, scratches his head and cries out loud to God.

Ohhhh!!! Rama… (Even before he could complete his prayers)

Quizmaster : Correct answer. The full name is Dr. Ram Shas, the one and only name comparable to Needs, wants and desires. You get 5 marks.

(DB appreciably looks at Midhun & his lips move in an upward crease in admiration)

(The second question to Team B)

Biology Round

Q: A unique plant like human that kills life.

SIBM: (Almost in the verge of tears, for Biology is all Greek and Latin)

Is it Hydrilla ?

Q: (Arrogantly) Wrong answer.

Question passes to Team A

Again a lost Midhun knows a weed that floats on the Vembanad Lake, Kerala.

So he doesn’t even look at DB and shouts out

Midhun: Water hyacinth

Q: (With an impressive look at Midhun): There you score again. 5 marks.

(Explains) It’s not exactly water hyacinth, but for now it’s accepted. This hyacinth actually tries to skill life, ending in a ‘ballooning’ phenomenon termed LIFE-S-KILLS.

Quiz master almost deciding that SIMC is the winner, moves to the next question

Art round

Q: The latest of ‘ism’s’ found in the world.

Midhun: (In one direct confident go blurts out): NATU-ISM.

Quizmaster gets up from his seat, runs to Midhun and hugs him.

You score it yet again. 10 MARKS.

(Explains) After cubism, this is the biggest ism in art revolution because of the genius of a lady. The three well known types are Circular natuism, triangular natuism and ‘back to square one’ natusim.

SIBM is almost like lost.

The only saving grace is the second and final round.

A Brand deciphering round, in which SIBM is the strongest in India. So keeping hopes high, they continue

(To be continued…)

FUNKY NEWS

Special correspondent

UNUSUAL CROWD AT FUNGIOSIS

Botanists, pathologists, engineers and artists flocked the Fungiosis campus, Lavale to have a glimpse of the variety of rare fungi overgrowths on the hostel walls. “These are one among the many initiatives taken by us towards increasing the greenery in and around this eco-friendly campus” - The director said.

The best pattern will be incorporated as the wallpaper design for the rooms, for their inherent advantages like camouflage, uniformity and greenery.

ENGINEER HONOURED

The Design engineer of the Fungiosis hostel was bestowed with the first ever indigenous Bio-Nobel in the ‘Brick ’n’ lick’ category. “I had always worked keeping in mind the coexistence of nature in rooms” – he said. “What is from earth should go back to earth, it’s my policy” – he added.

EXHIBITION OPEN TO PUBLIC

An exhibition of the rare designs from the Fungiosis hostel walls is open at the canteen road. Entry is free for the staff and seniors, while a nominal amount of Rs. 250/- per head is charged from the batch of 2010.

The famous grapevine club murmurs that this is again a money minting ploy, but authorities were unwilling to comment. “The amount will go towards relocating the fungi from bedrooms to bathrooms and vice versa.” D-peck, an office staff replied on phone.

‘PEST-OH-CALM’ INAUGURATED

The annual festival ‘Pest-oh-calm’, a 'No-kaam' initiative was inaugurated by the world famous mad man, Algae Padmasree. “Our idea is the co-creation of an infinite number of green shades and if possible a convergence of those outside the hostel wheel” – The director said after the inauguration.

Youngsters from around the globe are also invited for an interview today. They, irrespective of their ignorance will be forced to attend the ‘Pest-oh-calm’ and give company to the watchmen & owls outside.

“Even itchy fungi in the unclean undergarments never drew such a huge crowd. This marks an exceptional moment in the chronicles of Fungian history.” – The director continued nonstop.

YOUNG ACHIEVERS AWARD

Those who have lived with the fungi for over a year were conferred honorary doctorates, and also an award titled “Youngest Itchy-Bitchy”.

“We have a lesson or two to learn from the proliferation of these green friends. Try to spread as fast as you can” – said the second time winner Uno Journo Kumar.

SNIPPETS

Rainbow madam was seen with moisture in her eyes. “I am mesmerized by the creativity unleashed by these young wall-fungi who haven’t even attended my class. The shade of green bound with the shade of black is what moves me to tears” - She said. The students were further advised to learn point, line, shape, form, tone and texture from these smaller beings.

CONTEST

TITLE: SYMBIOTIC OR PARASITIC?

This is a perfect example of a symbiotic relationship in our campus, opined the student council member.
‘They are mere parasites, eating out of their dad’s pockets” – Famous film critic ASid said opposing the student’s viewpoint.

The debate is still open. Interested candidates can participate and win personally autographed warning letters along with a fully sponsored weekly trip to the nearest library or computer lab.

Hibernating, Filmi-sshtyle!!!

The above pic (click &...na..na....not portal...click 'n' see) is a masterpiece commemorating the ‘suspended animation’ of SIMC Boys, Batch 2010.

SIMC converted to SIMCG, a Girls only convent, presently is basking under the glory.
Watch closely & you can see the 'Sink-ship' SIBM guys standing in reverence, gazing at the sky and praying.

This is how the conversation goes
(For all those Girlzzz who missed the 'BOYZzzone' yesterday afternoon, and are finding it increasingly difficult to even sit, without the something to chew on)

SIBM 1 (Irritated with the attention deficiency dials God): “Bhagvaan, give us a breakkkkkkkkk too”

SIBM 2 (Snatches the mobile and screams): “God, how can you be so buyassed (biased) to SIMC”

God (gets irritated and replies): “Come on guys, they didn’t ask for it. When you were burning the midnight oil, SIMCians unleashed their creativity and thus earned it”

SIBM1: “So what, Mere paas work experience hai, Alumni hein, placements hein ... inke paas kya hai ?’’

God (With that smirk as evident as the sinister smile he showcases): ‘Inke paas..inke paaas AXe hein…..”

SIBM1: AXe kya hota hein?

GOD: AXe ek phenomenon hota hein.. talent ka ek bhandaar hota hein.... thoda gussa hota hein, lekin aadmi zabardast hota hein....

(The jealousy on their faces becomes clearly evident)

SIBM 2: “Lekin God...(pause)... ek AXe se kya hota hein!!!”

God: AXe se?? ( huaahuaaahuhaaaa huaahaaaahuaahha) AXe se ek saath 'chaar sau bees' (420) ko 240 warning letters milte hein…, kaat dete hein AXe."

(AXe comes on screening…oops!!! screen)

AXe: Mogambo khush hua

God: Ab tum hi sambhalo, hum chale…

AXe: Kitne aadmi the

SIBM 1: sir, we came here by mistake…

(And both run to Y001)

AXe: Kutthey.. Main tera Khoon pee jaunga..

(SIMCians arrive)

AXe (Still like the fully pressurised cooker): "Mujhe apna haath dede bacchooon… Jo Pacchis saal me nahi hua, wo ab hoga… Agar apni maa ka doodh piya hai to saamne aa…"

(SIMCians sit like the tomato in the cooker)

But none gives in, while in some other corner of the world, several particles remain suspended.

SIMCian (oblivious of the condition of his fellow mates): “Sinoreeta… aisi bade bade deshon mein… aisi choti choti batein… hoti rehti hai,”

Thank you to all the actors involved in the drama staged some nights back.

(Dedicated to all the suspended particles in the air)

Naked truths in hostel!!!

Just days after the sinister figure of Bilk Bikis Bano kept both the investigators and public on tenterhooks; another half naked male image was seen scampering for cover. The paparazzi team headed by the world renowned photographer Bloo-sky Sharma received high praise for this image.

Meanwhile the student community is requested to keep calm and continue with their ‘No work and all play’ schedules.

Puzzled zoologists claim the image to be doctored. “It’s impossible for a human being to be so lean and still survive on earth” – Dr. Venkibean, X-Ray dept., opined. “If at all this figure exists, he should be a skeleton with a little of skin added for a finish” he added.

However scientists and biologists kept their finger crossed on the possible evolution of a new species. There are questions posed by the spiritual side of the society, on the likelihood of a first time photograph capturing the soul liberated . Nevertheless research hypothesis dept. claim this to be a clear case of panic syndrome. “The skeleton seems to be on call. So could well be the ghost of an ASsassinated management". Assumption theorists are also looking on the angle of a relation with the SITM ghost, who is supposedly trying to pull the towel off.

Though the FIR gives inkling on the person as one Mr. Aks Bridge Kiss of Badvertising, no confirmed reports are yet available.

Final investigation report says:
This is the liberation of a tortured 'ABK' soul due to the lack of water while screaming...ehhh...screening Saawariya, the most expensive Blue film ever made.

Pregnant with emotions

Rejil gets placed as a market researcher. His parents keep searching for a Nair girl. Locally, nationally and internationally, but of no avail. Finally someone mentioned Mr. Nair’s daughter and the business empire she owns.

(Mr. Nair is the same guy who gave tea to a tired Neil Armstrong & gang when they visited the moon)

Anyways as long as Rejil doesn’t mind it!, his parents have no qualms either. Rejil and dad decide to visit the prospective bride’s house.The prospective father in law ushers them inside.

After the competitive trumpet blowing session, Rejil can’t stand anymore and whispers to his dad – ‘chaaya kittoolle?” (Won't we get tea?)

A Moon minus the craters, comes with the cool-drink.

Prospective FIL: “let them speak for a while…what do you say?”

R: (Like a hungry wolf, and without a word runs inside)

Location : A dark lit room...

R: Name and age?
Girl: Chandrama , 23 yrs

The conversation continues in monotones.

Rejil dips his hand deep into the pant pocket and takes out a neatly folded piece of paper.

R: You have to fill & submit this before 9:00 am tomorrow.

(The would-be bride looks at the paper like a lost soul. After 5 minutes, the only sound in the whole room is the resounding echo of a slap and a whimper.)

Though the story ends there, let’s see what the paper contained.

1. Current status

Married
Divorced
Widowed
Single

2. If in the unmarried market, how would you rate yourself?

Professional
Still a Student
Other, please specify

3. Boyfriends till date

0-2
2-4
>4

4. Prior experience with the above question, if any (in months)

0-6
6-12
More than that

5. How do you rate ‘appadi pode’ as a song?

Biased
Unbiaaaased!!!

Valuable
Worthless

6. Where would you like to rehabilitate after the first night?

Bedroom
Rooftop
Kitchen

7. Sreehorrifying is required in life.
(Refer : http://coconaughty.blogspot.com/2008/08/neologism.html)

Strongly Agree
Agree
Neutral
Disagree
Strongly disagree

8. What would you like the children to look like?

Like me
Like you
Like the neighborssss

OMG!!!!

AND NOW YOU KNOW WHY SOME PEOPLE LIKE ME ARE UNMARRIED.

Headlines

Lavale News Network

‘S’ makes life miserable for many ‘photoshop’pers

S, a letter found in the Times of the New Romans was almost a NO to most of the holiday shoppers in the Hill station of Lavale. SriDharam, the center manager pointed this to be a lack of interest than talent. “Till all the inhabitants twist like an S, leisure will be a strict No, No” he added.

Bunkers found in SIMC hostels.

Unlike the bunkers found in a warfront, these are human BUNKers who have proxies planted in specific target locations in the class. This naked truth came to light with a surprise combing operation carried out by the smiling assassin (SA [read from right]).

Two more clubs introduced.

Fossils in SIMC converged to create two more clubs to give them company after 8 pm.

The futile club association inaugurated ‘Albatross Club’, in fond memory of Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who predicted ‘Water water everywhere, nor any drop to drink” long before the crisis hit SIMC. Those who haven’t taken bath in a week, but still don’t stink are eligible to join the club.

The second one was titled ‘Grapevine club’ pertaining to the increase in gossip mongers in an around the campus as claimed by ‘Appidi Pode-pode’, a faulty-in-search, sorry…faculty-in-charge. The members of this club are thought to become an asset in the social spheres as well as in parties for their uncanny ability to weave stories from nowhere.

The names of the clubs were revealed by Mr. An-eta (The head and tail of PR).

Trucks banned in ‘Photoshop’ campus.

A high produce of shapeless and deformed trucks coupled with the unavailability of parking space has forced the authorities to bar further entry of trucks in the photoshop campus. SriDharam, the center manager, also accepted defeat, since most of the trucks by aunties and uncles looked either like a tractor or a bull-dozer. Agitated students voted this as a rare victory before a possible student uprising.

Multiplex ‘S01’ renamed ‘Mind room 01’.

In a new development, SO1, the ‘sleeping partners’ of the student business, was rechristened as Mind Room 01. Students guess this as a move towards confining the wandering minds. Critics are of the strong opinion that this place can even lead to losing one’s mind. In some of the Oh-pode classes the room can be used for ‘Never mind’ or ‘Mind it!!!’ too.

Highway patrol intensifies after threat

“It’s my way or the Hi-way” – The quote by a Vivekananda disciple sent shock waves across the country. Students in different states of mind were found lamenting on phones late till night. The highway police of Lavale took this as a serious threat and intensified patrolling on all the highways.

“We are keeping a vigil on all highways, since we weren’t informed whether we would be on the local highway, national highway or the express highway” – said a SIMCard on conditions of anonymity.

Flash News

Students turn milkmen

The introduction of special brakeless, but punctured cycles took the wind out of the lungs of students. The gasping for breath could be heard miles away.

Most of the MBA students looked an exact replica of Lalu Prasad Yadav, a milkman by profession, a robber by choice and a manager by chance.

This is Rejil Krishnan reporting from the real life cliffhanger for SimblyTV, Lavale.

Caught on camera..

Finally the mystery of the so called ghost of SITM hostel is solved.

She exists and is caught on camera by KD, an aspiring and budding photographer from SIMC.

The moral police expect this girl to be an ex -SIMC student, tortured by assignments and futile club meetings. Her frequent appearance in the recent past is also thought to be because of the lack of water in hostels. People in and around the area say that she is harmless and is here to help the suffering lot.

Though the police are still clueless about the ghost, the evidence collected point fingers towards a certain Bilk-Bikis Bano from Kolkata.

*More names aren't yet disclosed as further investigation is in progress and also for lack of solid evidence.

Post conceived and ideated : Kedar

Screening time..

Midhun goes on vacation.

(At home)

Mom stuffs his lunch with Kerala Fish fry and his most loved ‘Omplates’ (The Kerala version of omelets).

Brother is busy getting the latest Mallu songs to the laptop.

Everyone is gay and is in a mood to celebrate.

Dad comes up with a surprise for Midhun - “Why don’t we all go out in the evening?”

M: “Always ready dad”

D: “I have booked tickets for an English movie”

Midhun doesn’t respond. A deadly and sinister silence prevails. A motionless Midhun sits like the coma/comma he gets into while in class. No…This time it looks as if it’s a full-stop. A concerned dad comes near. There is breathing, but the eye balls aren’t moving. It’s focused as if a suppressed element of vengeance is yet to erupt.

D: (Though with the heart almost in the mouth, dad touches the drooping shoulders and then softly) “Moneeee (son)…..

M: (Bursts out and wails like the first standard kid on the first day at school) “No more SCREENINGS dad. Please dad, let me enjoy the holidays. Don’t torture me.”

D: “OK, OK, calm down. No movies”

The family decides to consult a psychiatrist seeing this unusual change in behavior from an avid movie buff.

Doc: (Hypnotizing) Relax…You are sleeping, sleeping… relax..

Midhun falls into a half slumber.

Doc: “where are you now?”

M: “Am half-asleep in the class!!!”

Doc: “What can you see there??”

M: “1,2,3,4,5,6..17.29 seconds….1,2,3...7 seconds,….1.2...5 seconds….tilt, track and zoooooom, paaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnn,!!!(It gets louder)”

Doc: “OK, ok... relax..”

But Midhun continues: “camera high up, close uppppppppp… back to eye level….Medium shot, Long shot, Medium…”

Doctor (remembers something and shouts out suddenly): Cutttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!

And Lo!!! Midhun is quiet.

Silence again. Only the breathing is heard amidst the ghostly disquiet.

Doctor (droopy head) to dad : “Am sorry, your ‘Ankur’ is ‘Gone with the wind”

A surprised and concerned dad: “What!!! my son is gone!?”

Doc Explains: “Twenty years ago we had a Bengali from the FTII, Pune, with similar symptoms. Doctors diagnosed and named the disorder as Screenomania. I’m sorry to tell you that your son will never be able to enjoy a movie as a first time viewer. He will start counting the moment a cinema starts and will stop only when you say CUT with vehemence”

Afterward: Now the disease is renamed as Puneiosis, pertaining to the high incidence of the same in Pune and neighboring areas.

Spot the NUTS ;-) Contest

Fruit and 'Nutzzz'

Contest : (A) Separate the 'Fruit' & 'NUTS' from the Loveale 'couple of the Month' shown below.
(B) Try to spot the 'dependent' and 'independent' variable.Please don't intervene.


Rules:

• Contest open to anyone who was able to spent at least 5 minutes with the above NUTS.
• Online help available at Room No 456 (Minus club secretary / Ex- AD Club ) & Room no 442 (showssssial communication coordinator).
• Contest closes before their nuts part ways or gets stale.
• The decision of the single Judge will be subject to change as per the situation ( PUNCH / HIT / SLAP / RIOT etc.)
• Misconduct will be deeply appreciated by the one man committee headed by another coconut.
  
• Contestants can write as much crap as possible to substantiate their claims.

Awards:

Will be corelled, sorry couriered in the email address !!!

SOME MORE DETAILS TO EASE U.

Easy contest. No special skill sets required to analyze the above nuts.

Ingredient Watch: PR alert.

Nutrition Breakdown: Serving size is 2-piece (No, not bikini). Each one contains kilos of Gujju fat and coconut oil.

Name: DivyaMurali Fruit and Nutzzz.
Brand: SIMblyCity ( Though it's far away).
Store: Simbly Waterloo.
Price: LESS ~ priceless.

Brand revival.

Since the whole world is going through some revolutionary changes; we too thought of bringing some sea changes to a 25 year old brand seen below. ( Click on the pic for an enlarged image )

A special story of brand revival.

The new vision for our future. We announce the re-branding of Darpan as per the market needs, want, desires and demands to www.paagalgay.com … oooops!!!..am sorry Midhun… www.pagalguy.com

We had four options:

1) Revive him (Trying to...)

2) Milk him (Sorry Midhun, not my task)

3) Sell him (Midhun advertised and coaxed a lot of fellow SIMCian’s to transfer him from room No 456, but….)

4) Kill him, (Sorry again, we all love him a lot. He is a man of great quality.)

The packaging challenges faced were not by us, but by the Barber to make him look a little less barbarian.

New techniques employed

We listened to his consumers, errrr… customers…. and differentiated him from the competitor by way of new, clean Bermudas and T-shirts.

Geographical segments: Away from the canteen and near the mess, as more and more people are flocking in there.

Clever positioning: Henceforth he will be available in small sizes.

4P’s

Product: Can be used for mass production later on. (Not yet tested)

Price: ‘Cheap’ (no pun intended).

Place: Ubiquitous (can be found everywhere...We don’t know how!!!)

Promotion: Self advertised. (Word of Mouth)

Do help this Ghost Brand gain publicity.

Regards,

Company heads, tails and also the shoulders above it.

Neologism

Oxford dictionary acknowledges new words of Indian origin

Srihareed (adj)

To be military 24 X 7 for no reason.

To research one’s whole life.

Usage: Can be used as a verb.

SIMC 2010 was srihareefied the first month.

Natuing (Noun)

The art of creating something from nothing.

Usage: The students of symbiosis are adept in Natuing.

ASed

To give warnings.

Play the part of; be a fine actor.

Moral policeman

Usage: The weather station ASed heavy to very heavy showers for tomorrow.

Ram can AS Raavan with perfection.

Our Own M-top.

Kedar's "Lap"-top (refer the picture above)
Imported from God's own country, Kerala... :-)

The advantages of this laptop are that it isn't available in multi-colours and hence can be trusted !!! Totally wire free at the moment, lightweight and can be carried along by anyone.
The monitor is really amazing as it changes with the mood of the user.
The M-laptop's 'Battery life' was tested during the freshers party and lasted almost 4 and a half hours.
The speakers are decent except for the fact that it plays Malayalam music only, which sometimes irritates and makes you feel you are underwater .
M-lappie has 2 USB slots, one in front and one at the back. Pendrives are supposedly not to be inserted here. Has a high resolution webcam which scans, copies and prints any girl on campus. Adobe photoshop, corel and all other 'Dharam' softwares run decently on this laptop.
Low cost, but high end results guaranteed. One of the special features would be the resistance to VIRUS of any magnitude.
The disadvantages are that the above product has a highly sensitive touchpad which cries Mummy's 'Fish fry' at times. The mute button doesn't work when agitated.
Operating System " HINDI' doesn't work on this system. Has an inbuilt Malayalam and English software reader and writer. No TV tuner.
I would definitely recommend this laptop to any of those unmarried girls in the college. The hard disk capacity is not yet tested because the scientist's* haven't yet explored the system in full. *Self Study test results awaited.

Overall Rating : ****

Free Accessories: Jacket, Graphics card, Born-with backpack.

Customer Reviews :

"M-Laptop is amazing, it doesn't get heated up fast, though acts erratic under sudden change of weather" - DB, Room No 442.

"I love M-Coms. Second best laptops. First is the R-lappie in my room. But I got this for great value. Excellent for any college student." - K Tadkod, Room No 452.

"M-lappies performed well in the interviews. Never broke down even once and so we recommend the same to all recruiters" - SIMC Interview panel.

Night Shifts to....

Young Indian mountain tribes can sleep open eyed: Study

Lavale News Network

Hilltop: The scientists of ‘Mountain Eccentric's Degree for Ignorance Association’ (MEDIA), a forum studying humans in castaway mountains has come up with a startling discovery. They reported about a new tribe in the mountains who can sleep open eyed, in the latest edition of their newsmagazine ‘JAAP’ – An acronym for Journo, AD, AV and PR.

Addressing the news conference here on Saturday, Alec Smart, founder and trustee of MEDIA, said, “It was by sheer accident that we stumbled upon these open eyed sleepers. While researching on how Catnaps improve human efficiency in the afternoons, these tribes didn’t reply to a questionnaire. That is when one among the lot woke up one of those open eyed gentlemen”.
“Serendipity is a fact of life and all discoveries”. he added.

This was especially seen in a group of youngsters aged between 20 and 27, studying a fulltime hilltime course titled MBA (Masters in Bumbling Administration). Students attribute this phenomenon to sheer hard work and practice. “Earlier we used to be chucked out of class for sleeping with the eyes closed”, confessed a student.

“But now we are so adept at MASKING that none recognizes” added another on request of anonymity.

Is it cultivated or genetically modified? The question is still 'coffee Bite' (The argument continues). The study, based on interactive sessions with 240 students in separate disciplines, however brought many more startling revelations, though most of them were hibernating.

It’s also stated that the climatic conditions and a twelve hour rigorous schedule helps in this amazing masquerade.

MEDIA scientist, Uno Journo Kr, supporting the Lamarckian theory of Evolution said, “We are absolutely stunned by this discovery. More funds are being diverted to study this peculiar behavior”.

Earlier it was only the amphibians, aquatic animals and fishes that were categorized in this section. With young humans too in the same bracket, senior scientists attribute this to be an offshoot of the increasing number of work and study hours in human beings. Science is still clueless on the genetic variations this MBA will bring about in the future.

Photo courtesy: Write-Click-club (MIDHUN).

Short Story of an Ex-'lavale'ite...

ACT I

SCENE I

Year 2011. Fortunately he didn't fall in love at SIMC or say the female's didn't. And so decided to settle for an arranged marriage. A little of dowry and a lot of space.

First week after marriage.

Wife ( biting her lips ) : hmmm, chettan... where are we going for our honeymoon??

Symbian ( with all the 32 still intact ) : it's your choice honey... wherever u wish to be this summer.

W: ( with a melting smile adorning her lips) : I have decided upon a place to be in.

S : ohhh... sundari... and where is that place of your dreams.??

W: Darjeeling...its greenery...the famous tea gardens..its mist clad mountains....the rains...the umbrellas...the breeze..the cold wind...

(No response from behind and so Wifeyyyy turns around to see the symbian black out and fall... !!!!!!!! )

W ( screams... ): ohhh... ayyo... Midhunetta.. enthu patti ?? ( what happened Midhun )

The whole household comes running.

The unconscious symbian is rushed to the Kottayam medical college in Kerala.


SCENE II

Symbian with the doctor.

( The eyes reflecting the same emotions as seen in an AS session at Lavale in 2008)

Doc: How are you feeling !!! ?

Symbian aka Midhun: ( in broken Malayalam and English ) : Lavale... symbi.. hill...trekking...mazha ( rain)...poka ( smoke~mist )... mountain....wind....jacket....and blacks out again...

Doctor (comes out glum and speaks to the Wifeyyyy) :
This is a very rare disease found in certain SIMIANS ..sorry...SYMBIANS like your husband. In medical terms we define the research as 'lavaleology", and the disease is named now as 'Thursdophobia", an extreme hatred for Hill stations mixed with a fear of rains, Thursdays, wind, and frequent warning letters. This is curable, but please keep in mind not to bring certain words like AS, hostel, umbrella, mist 'n' mountain into picture while speaking.

W: Thank you doctor.

In the hospital room, we hear a splat and frequent black out's throughout the day...

W: Midhunetta....

Symbian wakes, looks around, tongue to the extreme right , eyeballs up ... sees his honey and falls back PARANOID....

END OF PLAY.

GIMME MORE....

Story of an intelligent man in one line :

'RAGS TO RICHES'...;-)

Caption : YEH DIL MAANGE MORE.....

Courtesy: ROOM No 452 (YES, I promise he was in the Boys Hostel), Midhun, NOKIA N70 and the 'one and only' Model..err...'Specimen'....

Readers are invited to come up with prize winning captions and donations.The funds collected will go towards rehabilitating the above Specimen....

* Taxes on donations exempted under section MoP (Page 6), CoP (Page 10), n SaP (Page 4) of 'Aide memoir, Batch 2010 on the Animal health and Welfare (Lavale) Act, 2008 (PG)

Proven !!!

Finally in SIMC.....

I remember the days of struggle !!!

Scientists and Philosphers were summoned !!!

Brains worked, smoke emanated.... skulls diffused and got fused later..... No solution..lamented the scholars...

GOD came... BUT found himself in quicksand...Confused and dazed he prepared a Questionnaire in the semantic differential scale ;-)...Errr...Likert.... Nono... The "Fish scales" and forwarded it to the morning session of MRM....

First question read

1. "Which came first, the chicken or the egg ?"

Again smoke emanated, Howversss (read it as Hours) passed..no answer...research futile...
Evening arrived for liberation... 8 pm...SIMC 2010 regularly in a mess...Errr...(grammatical mistake) in the MESS.... saw something unusual..something white...something oval... had seen it sometime , somewhere.... :-)

Lo!!!! Midhun's memory is impeccable....It Egggggzzzzzzz me......
Eggcellent Eggs on the platter....

The MESSman endorses it.... Chicken ek do din baad hi aayega ( chicken will come after a day or two)....

So read my assignment as per research undertaken in the kitchen in 'a' MESS ;-):

1. "Which came first, the chicken or the egg ?"

EGG...

Courtesy: Parus for the idea!!!