India worses SouthAfrica

India-Pak Bhai Bhai

In a special function organised by Kamran Akmal and family, Ashish Nehra was awarded gloves for taking the burden off the Pakistani keeper. Currently, Kamran’s used gloves are being sold in the market as new.

Oxford Honours Team India

In a major event, Indian team was felicitated by Oxford University press for reviving forgotten idioms like - Go down like ninepins, history repeats itself etc.

Sources say that they will soon be adding Maaki, MaatharC and BehanC, as official terms in the new English dictionary slated for release soon after the World Cup.

Team India Signs Advertisement Deal

Dhoni and team, barring Tendulkar was chosen for the new Fevicol ad. In the story board, the team gets fixed on the spot, as soon as they enter the ground.

Awarded

Pepsi awarded Nehra and team India for being the real ‘Game changers’. Considering the return to form, Tendulkar couldn't win Pepsi's trust this time too. Last time winner, Sreesanth gave away the awards to Nehra and team.

ICC Rule Amended

In a major turn of events, ICC, under tremendous pressure from BCCI, buckled to the demand sponsors, who will now be choosing a bowler from the crowd to bowl the last 5 overs. This was initiated after Dhoni was seen walking around the stadium searching for a bowler to complete the 50 overs.

Special Classes

Sachin Tendulkar was requested to teach bowling, while Harbhajan and Virat will take special classes in swearing. The module titled ‘Learn swearing in 50 overs’ comes at a special World Cup discounted rate.

*Offer open till Harbhajan lasts.

Application Invited

ICC has called for Mathematics professors with 10 years of experience and an inclination towards cricket. Ideal candidates will required an experience of teaching Permutations and Combinations at least to gully-level cricketers. The need arises in understanding, who all should win and lose where all for India to play Pakistan in the semi-finals!

Hansie Cronje remembered

In a momentary outburst of emotion, Azhar was heard remembering the finesse with which his friend, philosopher & guide Hansie Cronje fixed matches. Yesterday’s match clearly evidences the dearth in leaders and erosion in match-losing talent in the South African team, lamented the tainted Indian captain.

Nominated

Pan seller Yadav was nominated for Nobel Prize in Chemistry. His research pertains to understanding the chemistry between players and teams in this edition of the World Cup. The research also details about why games played between World no 1 and World no 33, stretches to its full quota of 50 + 50 overs, setting up a humdinger.

BCCI promises an India vs Pakistan Final

In a statement issued to the press, BCCI has requested irate fans to calm down, with a promise that India will reach the finals and play Pakistan in Wankhede. Question on who will win was left unanswered, citing sponsor gag. Unofficial reports say that Pepsi and Hero will pool in a more money to help India reach the finals.

Nehra demands more

After his scintillating performance against SA, Nehra has reportedly demanded more money to injure himself, quoted credible sources from Pakistan. (Oxymoron)

Contest Results

Last week's 'Guess the Zero' contest results -

As Ashish Nehra and Kamran Akmal got equal jokes... err .. votes, the sponsor has backed off. So, better luck next time.

New contest

Guess who will win the world cup contest.

Conditions: Only gullible Indian citizens and Tendulkar allowed to participate. Family members of other players, bookies and match-fixers not allowed. If found to participate, they will not be allowed to fix the next India-Pakistan series.

Parting Note:

Indi Commandos rechristened to ‘Kochi Tuskers Kerala’

Though the team will be playing as if they never had tusks or rather, don’t know the use of it, Sreesanth is expected to display his valour by fighting (with his) tooth and nail.

On being asked, why Kochi and Kerala are there in the name, a certain Gujarathi investor said that while investing, he was unaware of the fact that Kochi is the capital of Kerala. 'Hail Taroor' will be the new tagline, he added. Mallya's absence from the list of sponsors for team Kochi was expected, considering the volumes already sold in Kerala. On being asked, he denied the cited reason, and spoke at length about his plans to brand toddy !

'Kochi Tuskers Kerala' logo is still being done by the same DTP agency in Fort Kochi. A major chunk of the marketing spends are earmarked for Harbhajan and Virat Kohli. They will have a special ‘Word of mouth’ campaign unleashed, with support from the local 'Toddy Climbers Association', who incidentally clinched the main sponsors title for Kochi Tuskers.

Sreesanth, on his break answered questions on break-dance and other marketing tactics. He confessed to be inspired by nature, learning to dance by imitating the monkeys enroute Wayanad and look aggressive by closely watching the hungry street dogs, in the empty Kaloor stadium.